On Easter Sunday, my Mom passed away. Suddenly. We had made plans to go to brunch that day, and when we arrived at her house, she was not feeling well. Nothing she felt was an emergency, however, as we got her up out of her room and into the living room, she indicated she felt worse and wanted to go to the hospital. We played it safe, called 911 for an ambulance transport, and arrived at the hospital only minutes later. Unfortunately, she was wheeled straight to the back of ER and Eric and I sat patiently in the waiting room. The rescue of Capt. Robert Phillips from Somali pirates dominated the televisions. We were watching this miracle unfold as we waited for an update. In about 30 minutes, we were ushered into another waiting room, much smaller, almost the size of a closet. And no tv to occupy our thoughts. The doctor and the nurse then entered with the bad news that they have done all they could for my Mom and that she had died of cardiac arrest. It was simply hard to believe she was gone. That quickly. In a moment.
For the following days and weeks, I truly expected my cell phone to ring, as it had many times a day in the past, with her various questions, thoughts, or simply her way to discussing the latest news or political happenings. It was eerily sobering that my cell and our home phone became so quiet.
A week following her funeral, I quickly went to work on the estate. I recall sitting in the kitchen table, watching the Kentucky Derby with a handy mint julep, and writing letter after letter after letter to all known creditors. At least fifty letters. I stopped counting, probably due to the numerous juleps.
In a couple days after my estate workday, I noticed I wasn't feeling that great, but nothing too weird. I thought it was odd my monthly visitor hadn't visited, but gosh, its been absolute chaos for two weeks so anything could wreck a woman's schedule. On Sunday, May 3rd, I went to bed and had some strange dreams - one of which was taking a pregnancy test. I awoke on Monday, May 4th before Eric had gotten up, and thought, sure, why not, why not take a pregnancy test. But do I even have any? I opened the linen closet and found an old box on a high shelf. The expiration date was 2007. A reminder of our 'trying' time many many years ago. No matter, I figured I'd either throw it out, or pee on it and then throw it out. The results came in as two lines... but I had forgotten what that meant. Positive? Negative? I had to dig the box out of the trash to consult for the results.... and it meant pregnant! Oh my! I then woke Eric up and told him I had some bit of news. I'm sure he's thinking, what possible news could have happened between the time we went to sleep and the time you woke up? We both sat on the bed and thought, wow, how were we given this gift after not having any pregnancies for almost 10 years? How'd this happen (other than the obvious)? We sat there together for at least 20 minutes just trying to digest this news, absorb our new path ahead, and being given a miracle.
As muddled as our thoughts were, what was clear was that my Mom certainly had something to do with this. She loved - LOVED - being a Mom. Me being an old child probably increased her protectiveness and worry, but she was always happy to be a Mom no matter what life threw her. Of course, she would mention grandkids once in awhile to us, but not in a pushy way. She understood all that we had gone through, the highs and lows (mostly lows), and she respected our ultimate decision to let things be, and turn over our fertility fate to a higher power as science had failed us thus far.
I also realize the irony of Easter in and of itself. A rebirth, a celebration of life, through death. One of the most important Christian holidays that reinforces there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that life does not end at death. A period of jubilation following a time of grief. How ironic that she passed on such a holiday.
So, this week I enter my 36th week of pregnancy. The home stretch, sorta speak. Our precious little girl is a mover-and-shaker. She feels like the tallest thing in the world as I feel a poke up high, then a jab by the hip bone. Her essential 'wing span' takes my breath away. Many nights after dinner, I look down at my stomach shift from one side to the other. As my belly button goes up and down, I can see her breathing. I can feel her hiccups. The science of pregnancy and her development is absolutely remarkable.
In little under a month, both her world and our world will change indefinitely.
